Okay, picture this: you’re heading to a festival in a large paddock somewhere, about THIRTY THOUSAND other party people are attending (actually feels like a hundred thousand – but whatever), it’s the middle of summer and hitting about 30 degrees, you’re planning on camping out for 4 days and you are silently freaking out.

Am I about to get squished in a deathly mosh pit in front of Flume?

Will I leave smelling like socks worn by grandad for 3 weeks straight?

Am I going to burn and shrivel up into a piece of over-cooked streaky bacon?


But you can try avoiding some of these awful things if you follow these steps….

1. Buy a tent bigger than required.

Seriously, those ‘2-man’ tents are so small they can barely house my cat, and my cat is the size of 3 normal cats combined. The packaging LIES! Get at least a 4-man tent. This will be your dressing room, your make-up room, your meditation space, your only bit of solace, your entire house for the whole time you are away.

large festival amphitheater

2. Park your 4-man tent wisely!

Bottom of the hill looks nice? NO! if it rains, you are all over rover. Next to the toilets for convenience? NO! By the second day those puppies are going to stink. By a tree for some lovely shade? NO! Lazy people use the trees as toilet stops. That will stink too! Park wisely people.

muddy festival road

3. Pack baby wipes!

The campsite may advertise showers but let me tell you now, there are 30-odd showers all crammed into a 5-meter square space wide-open in the middle of the campground. Oh, and did I forget to mention they’re cold water only? Baby wipes are your shower-in-a-packet for the next week. Buy 5 packets. Your friends will want some too. Hand sanitizer wouldn’t hurt either.

4. Suncream, suncream, suncream.

‘Nuff said.

two girls watching a concert

5. Whatever you do – do not eat from the Asian food cart at 4am in the morning.

I learnt this the hard way. I spent 2 whole days sweating and spewing into bags from my tent in 30 degrees and attempting to run to the portaloos (which were 10 minutes away and were in a state of their own.)

people dancing to music in a feild

6. Just have fun, dudes and dudettes.

Don’t stress. You are about to embark on a crazy, glittery, magical journey that is called a FESTIVAL.

Peace and love and all that jazz.